


That Which was Lost

by 3DMG Shenanigans (Lightningpelt)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, M/M, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein-centric, Titan Marco Bott
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1241650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightningpelt/pseuds/3DMG%20Shenanigans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had hoped to find a clue as to Reiner and Bertholdt's whereabouts; Jean didn't think they would.<br/>They found, instead, what he had never dared to hope for: the prisoner, faded but alive; smiling, as he always had. </p><p>The question then became, however, what was lost? And what had truly been recovered? </p><p>Jean/Marco, Shifter!Marco, Canon-Divergence AU or Alternate Continuum; Manga Spoilers, set sometime after chapter 52 or 53.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Marco Bodt, Sir

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually quite excited about/proud of this one~ Another prompt fill for the SnK kink meme, fyi, here's the link to the original prompt: http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/8414.html?thread=6853598#cmt6853598 
> 
> The chapters are shorter than my usual chapters, so it'll update faster than most of my fics~ Just a heads up on that one. Um... I can't really think of anything else I need to say before we begin, so I hope everyone enjoys That Which was Lost! 
> 
> (Fun fact- the first time I posted this, on the kink meme, I completely forgot about Erwin's arm, LOL. ^^;)

The formation was deep into titan territory, far deeper than most were comfortable with. But Erwin never flinched, despite the dozens of lives that had gone into the mission thus far. The loss of his arm hadn't stopped him from leading the occasional mission, much to the chagrin of his underlings and the irritation of his Capitol superiors. The Survey Corps was galloping in ever-widening circles around Wall Rose; Erwin and Armin, if no one else, seemed certain that the Shifter Trio had a hideout somewhere on the other side of the Wall.

Jean was sore, tired, and frustrated; his mood wasn't all that different from the vast majority of his comrades, accept perhaps Eren and Armin, both of whom seemed eager and alert. Armin was riding just beside him, straining up a bit so that he was standing in his stirrups; craning his neck to look around.

"Get back in your saddle," Jean muttered. "I'm still not convinced we're going to find anything useful. Even if this base exists, hmm? Don't you think they'd have cleared it of evidence by now?"

"I'm sure they tried," Armin conceded, sitting back slightly, "but what if they missed something? Or couldn't properly dispose of something? It could be the best lead we have!"

Shrugging, Jean sighed. "Whatever you say," he said, although he didn't share the blonde's positive outlook. The world was too cruel for there to be such luck working in their favor.

After several more hours of riding, every semblance of conversation had died among the weary, saddle-sore soldiers. Even Erwin's brave shouts had ceased; now it was simply a matter of searching, mindlessly; exhaustedly.

"What do you think of this, Marco?"

It was Jean's habit to talk to his dead friend at times like that- times of bored stress, times of silent tension. It relaxed him.

"This whole thing about Reiner and Bertholdt; what do you think of _that_ , hmm?"

Somehow, he suspected that his freckled friend would deny it for as long as was logically possible; he had been close to Bertholdt and Reiner, just as they all had been. But then he would be the angriest of them all. It was a rare thing for Marco to show anger; Jean liked to fancy that he had been the only one of their class to see it. But whenever, late at night, Marco would speak of traitors to humanity... he would shiver slightly with suppressed fury, such rage that it would occasionally bring tears to his eyes.

"But you... also saw things in grays, didn't you, Marco?" Jean queried softly. "You'd... be inclined to see their point of view, too, wouldn't you...?"

"Jean?" Sasha asked curiously, and the boy shook his head.

"It's nothing... just talking to Marco."

Sasha smiled, a bit sadly; there had been a time when Jean Kirstein would vehemently deny speaking to his dead friend, but nowadays it hardly seemed to matter. Most of his teammates knew of the habit, and always just smiled, a bit sadly, when they caught him.

"You wouldn't want to trade an eye for an eye, Marco... you wouldn't care if they betrayed us; you'd want to give them a chance to explain, at least... I'm not as generous as you..."

"Structure spotted!!" Erwin's voice rang out, jolting Jean and everyone else to attention. "Twenty or so yards North-North-East from our location; change direction accordingly!"

Hanji gave a whoop of excitement; Armin was up again, leaning dangerously far forward. Jean felt a strange excitement prickle up his spine, as if he shared his teammate's hope for finding a useful lead; he was still quite sure that he didn't.

However, it soon became obvious that the structure in question could be a base of some sort; there was earth piled up around it so that all but the uppermost window was concealed. Erwin dismounted, tethering his horse and approaching to investigate.

"Levi, Arlert, Jaeger, Ackerman, Hanji, and Kirstein; you're with me."

"M-me, sir?" Jean stammered, surprised; Erwin shot him a baleful look.

"No, the other Kirstein. Yes you. Follow me."

Trying to shrug off his unnerving selection, Jean grimaced; when his turn came, he narrowed his shoulders and wondered idly how Erwin had managed to squeeze inside- or Reiner, for that matter.

The inside of the base was dim; it took Erwin a moment of groping to get a torch lit, the resulting fire illuminating an empty room. Seeming unconcerned, the commander led the way deeper into the structure, Armin and Levi perfectly in-step just behind him. Jean was less enthusiastic, trailing behind and more or less skulking.

"This is pointless... don't you think, Marco?"

"We'll split up," Erwin said, after they had reached what seemed to be the center of the base, which stretched out in each direction as well as farther below them. "Levi, you go with Jaeger and take the left; Ackerman, take the right; Hanji, behind us. I'll keep going down; Arlert, you'll stick with me. And Kirstein, you'll take the path right in front of us. Everyone is to meet back here once you've done a thorough search."

Jean reluctantly saluted; regardless of how disinclined he was, he wouldn't dream of defying his commander outright. But, if the rooms they had already come through were any indication, the base was spotless- if this was a Shifter base at all, which Jean was beginning to doubt. So he trudged off ahead, torch in hand, with a silent pledge to take a brief look around and then high-tail it back to the meeting place. Besides the futility of the task, the dark, chilly passageways were unnerving him.

As luck would have it, the hallway that Jean Kirstein had been assigned was far longer than he had anticipated. After what felt like ten minutes of walking, he was considering turning back; just telling Erwin that there was nothing to be found. He was suitably convinced that there _wasn't_ anything to be found; he'd already been through more rooms than he cared to count, and had turned up nothing interesting- a few dusty or broken dishes, some dead rats, and an old blanket were wall his search had yielded, and the lighting was beginning to play tricks on his eyes.

"Ugh... yeah, Marco, this is pointless. I'm turning back," he muttered, scratching the back of his head. "I'm gonna go mad if I'm stuck down here one more-"

Jean stopped suddenly, his body going cold as a soft sound crept into his bones. It sounded like a moan- a human moan. Shivering, the young soldier tried to make his limbs move; tried to run, as his instincts were screaming at him to. God knew how far he was underground; god knew how long these icy halls had been deserted- several weeks at least, if it was indeed the hideout of the Shifters Reiner and Bertholdt.

And yet the sound; that soft moaning.

_His name._

"Je... eaaaann..."

Feeling panic claw at his heart; paralyze his lungs and cripple his mind, Jean took one hesitant step forward, then another. Slowly, step by perilous step, he headed the ghost's call; tried not to assign the voice an impossible identity.

Bars came into view; bars, making up a section of the wall. _A cell... a... cell..._ Steps slowing even further, Jean called out tentatively, trying to sound bold, "I-Is anyone there...?"

There was a sharp intake of breath that didn't belong to the living soldier; a rough gasp, a shallow panting.

"J... e... aan...?" It was distinctly his name, this time, tasted with relish on a rasping tongue. At last the soldier reached out; grasped one of the bars with his free hand and pulled himself the remaining inches forward.

Looked inside the cell.

The light of his torch flickered into the small space, illuminating the dusty floor and the shape within. At first Jean mistook it for a corpse; in the faint firelight it looked gaunt and still- cold.

Then it moved; looked up.

It's hair was shoulder-length, dark and tangled; it was dressed in ill-fitting rags. It's eyes were invisible from such a distance, but its wan olive cheeks weren't, zygomatic arches sharp and prominent.

The freckles were visible.

"... Jean...? Is... that...?"

And then Jean was screaming.

... ... ...

Armin and Erwin happened to be the closest, and so heard the screams of Jean Kirstein. Their journey deeper into the base had led them directly below the cell their teammate had stumbled upon, and so it was a matter of three flights of stairs separating them.

Erwin, with his larger stride, burst from the stairway first; saw his young subordinate on his knees, torch barely glowing on the ground beside him, both hands clutching the bars of a cell. Armin skidded up a moment later with a cry of his friend's name; his torch hit the floor next, and then he was down beside the other.

"Jean? Jean?!" The blonde shook his comrade's shoulders; felt the taller boy's violent trembling. "Jean?!"

"Marco..."

Alarm shot through Armin, and he tried to force the other boy to look at him. "Jean, no! Jean it's me, not Marco! I'm not Marco, I'm Armin! It's me, Armin!"

"Ar... min...?"

The blonde froze at the new voice; turned, mechanically, toward the cell that Jean was staring into. He could barely make out the body in the dim light, but he could see it moving; hear it shifting.

"You've... god, you've... grown..."

Armin felt his stomach heave as he recognized the voice. "O-oh m-my... my god..."

Erwin came over, finally, with the one remaining torch among the group; peered into cell and bathed its inhabitant, who flinched back, with light.

"Identify yourself," he said softly, although the reactions of his subordinates weren't lost on him.

The prisoner didn't answer for a long moment. Instead, he made the effort to drag his body upright by the chains holding his wrists; struggled, desperately, to get onto his knees. When he had finally managed it, with Erwin waiting patiently, he brought his right hand to his chest; saluted.

"Mar..." he wheezed softly, then tried again. "Marco... Bodt, 104th... training de... division. S-Sir."


	2. The Shifter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates won't normally be this quick, but I already had this one written and posted on the kink meme~ so thanks to those who commented or left kudos on chapter one, and I hope everyone enjoys chapter 2!
> 
>  
> 
> //whispers Follow my SnK blog on tumblr for updates, sneak peaks, and news regarding this and my other fanfics~ <3

Jean was barely aware of Commander Erwin and Corporal Levi chipping away at the concrete, trying to dislodge the bars. All he could see was Marco- living, breathing Marco, who had once again slumped; was hanging limply by his wrists. 

"God this has to be a fucking dream..." 

"It's not a dream, brat," Levi grunted, pulling at one of the bars; it creaked as it began to come loose, and the corporal groaned with the strain. "Get your shit together and help us!" 

"Levi, he's in shock," Erwin murmured, then groaned as he pulled one the bars free with a resounding crack. He flung the metal aside with a clang, then wiped his brow. "You're off today, Levi. I'm working with one arm and I still beat you." 

The smaller of the two men hissed, then growled as he dug his feet into the ground. At last his bar came loose, and he slipped as the resistance vanished, ending up sprawled across the floor. Erwin burst out laughing, but Jean paid it no heed; with two bars gone, he was able to force his own body, somehow, through the small gap before his two superiors could react. 

"Marco...!" His voice was choked and faint, but the prisoner still smiled shallowly. 

"Jean. I'm so... impossibly glad..." 

Tears flowing down his face, Jean came forward on his hands and knees; pressed his forehead against Marco's own, feeling the chill of his skin and the thinness of his flesh. 

"How is this possible...?" he whispered. "Marco..." 

"... I... don't want you... to hate me, Jean." 

Before Jeam could question that strange answer, steps came pounding down the hallway; Armin skidded easily through the gap in the bars (which Levi and Erwin were still working to widen) with the supplies he had been ordered to fetch. 

"Can you hold him steady, Jean?" 

The young solider, trying to suppress his shivering, moved forward and wrapped one arm around Marco's narrow chest; used his other to hold up the hand that Armin was working to free from its shackle. After a moment, the metal gave; placing Marco's arm gently down, observing the strange coloration of the skin where the shackle had been, Jean took his other hand as Armin worked to release it. Within a few moments, Marco's body went limp; slumped entirely into Jean's lap. The freckled boy blinked up at his friend, his sunken eyes cloudy but still managing to shine. 

"Hey," he whispered weakly, and Jean gave a choked laugh, his tears overflowing again. 

"H-Hey." 

After a moment that seemed, at least to Jean, far longer than it was, the frail boy pushed himself up, managing to sit with his legs tucked beneath him. Armin crouched down beside him, canteen in hand. 

"Drink." 

Marco smiled gratefully at his old classmate, accepting the offering and drinking thirstily. Almost instantly his eyes seemed brighter. 

"Tha..." He cleared his throat, his old voice returning to him quickly. "Thanks, Armin. You know, I didn't recognize you at first. You look amazing." 

"Nor I you," the blonde admitted. "I wish it were for the same reason." 

Marco grimaced. "I must look like a corpse, huh?" Armin nodded reluctantly. 

"I'm frankly surprised you're sitting up and taking." 

The freckled boy shook his head ruefully. "Oh, you'll be surprised, alright." 

Before Armin could question that very odd statement, there was a tremendous clatter as Erwin and Levi both managed to wrench another bar free of the cell door; Jean jumped at the sound, seeming to come back to himself slightly. 

"... Marco...?" 

The ghostly boy smiled kindly. "Yeah, Jean; its me." 

The other smiled slightly; laughed. Then he bent his head and began to cry, unabashedly and incoherently, much to Marco's alarm. Armin moved wordlessly; took his comrade's wrist. 

"He's in a medical state of shock," the blonde sighed, after a moment. "Come on; we have to get you both back to HQ for treatment." 

Just then, the tramp of footsteps sounded in the hallway; Eren had been dispatched to find Hanji and Mikasa, and had apparently succeeded. When they came into view, the young girl immediately rushed into the cell, dropping down beside her classmates. 

"Marco...! How... is this...?!" 

The freckled boy's cheer faded slightly. "... In time. I'll explain," he murmured, but then grinned. "You look wonderful, Mikasa! Even prettier than I remember!" 

It was just like Marco to say such things. Eren had joined the little huddle too, by then; Levi, Erwin, and Hanji remained bunched at the entrance of the cell. Eventually it was the commander who cleared his throat. 

"I... have a lot of questions, and you kids have a lot of catching up to do. However, we're still in the middle of titan territory; both can be attended to once we're back inside the Walls, and Bodt and Kirstein can get the medical attention they obviously need." 

Marco shook his head slightly. "I'm... fine..." he murmured. "I-I'll be fine... just... need something to eat and a bit of rest, and I'll be fine." 

No one believed him, but no one questioned him, either. The freed prisoner leaned heavily on Eren as the party limped back the way they had come. Armin ended up lending his shoulder to Jean as well, who was pale and unsteady on his feet. After what seemed like a short eternity, the party reached the first room and its tiny window. Levi went out first, followed by Hanji; Armin guided Jean out next, with the help of Mikasa. 

"You okay, Marco?" Eren asked quietly; the freckled boy laughed softly. 

"I don't know how long I've been down here; I'm a bit afraid the sun will burn my eyes out of their sockets. Lead the way." 

Eren grimaced, but did as was requested; Marco did indeed flinch and screw his eyes shut when they emerged, but it wasn't long before he was cracking them open slightly. Erwin was the last one out, closing the window behind him and then addressing the formation. 

"We're heading home!!" 

Marco was hoisted onto a horse in front of Eren; Jean, despite his feeble protests, stayed with Armin, still too shaken for his friends to trust him alone. As they rode, Eren dug through his pack and pulled out his rations. 

"They're not much, but they're certainly better than nothing; we'll get you a decent meal once we get home." 

"Thanks," Marco said, his voice shaking slightly as he took the offered food. "Thanks, Eren." He ate ravenously, despite the tastelessness of the hardtack. 

"Marco?! Marco, is it true, man?! Is it really you?!" 

Connie and Sasha had broken formation; were swerving up beside Eren to get a look at their old classmate, returned from the dead. Marco gulped the last of the rations and then smiled brightly at both of them. 

"Believe it or not," he replied. "I've missed everyone so much." 

"And we you, man!" Connie exclaimed. "But how is this even possible?" 

"Yeah!" Sasha spoke up. "To hear Jean talk, you were-" 

"Back in formation, you two!!" came Erwin's barked order, and Connie and Sasha both paled. "You'll have time to catch up with your old classmate when we get safely back to the Walls!" 

"Sir, yes Sir!" 

"Y-Yes Sir!" 

With one last wave to Marco, they dropped back; the freckled boy's smile faded from cheerful to simply warm and contented, and he leaned back slightly into Eren. 

"I really did miss you guys, despite it all." 

Eren simply nodded; the questions were clawing their way up his throat, but he tried to keep them back. He didn't need to know why or how Marco was alive, simply that he was- explanations could come later. 

The smoke rounds that went up were routine; the formation changed direction accordingly, and rode on uninterrupted. Marco seemed to have fallen into a light sleep, and Eren did his best not to jostle him. Jean, riding with Armin, seemed to have recovered from the worst of his shock; was gazing longingly over at his lost friend, occasionally shooting Eren a look that was half jealousy and half gratitude. Eren smiled sheepishly back. _Next time we stop to rest the horses,_ he thought, _I'll let him take care of Marco, if he's steady enough to ride._

"Titans spotted to the west!" came Erwin's sudden shout; Levi, who had been riding ahead of his team, dropped back suddenly. 

"Eren, Armin and Kirstein, get to the center of the formation with that corpse of yours. I don't want you four involved in a fight. Ackerman, you're with me." 

"Rodger!" Mikasa said instantly, swerving up to drop into sync with the corporal. 

"Levi, you still can't fight," Erwin growled from farther ahead, and the dark-eyed man bristled. 

"I can manage." 

"No, you will _not_ fight," his commander snapped. "That's an order." 

"It's not as if _you_ can," Levi hissed. "You're lucky you can ride with one arm. You're lucky you're Outside the Walls at all!" 

"Levi, this is not the time!" Erwin yelled. "Get back with the kids!" 

"Erwin!" Levi objected again, but was ignored. "Tch!" 

And then the titans were upon them. 

Eren pulled at his horse's reigns, jolting Marco awake as the creature bucked; there were three titans: 15 meter, 13 meter, and 7 meter classes. Swerving wildly, Eren just managed to avoid the grasping hand of one. 

Mikasa was in the air, with Levi beside her- in direct violation of orders, resulting in Erwin's curses and shouted chastisement. But it was true that the commander of the Survey Corps was all but helpless, Maneuver Gear an impossibility for him, at least for the time being. 

"Mikasa!!" 

The cry was torn from Eren as two more titans burst into view. Several soldiers were down; another, as Eren watched, was snatched from the air and devoured. Eyes narrowing, Eren urged his horse closer to Armin's. 

"We have to help!" he called to his blonde friend. "Jean, you take care of Marco!" 

"Do not join the battle, Eren Jaeger!!" Erwin Smith roared, but Eren had been empowered by Levi's apparent insubordination and ignored him. Armin, more nervous but spurred by a pained cry from Mikasa as she hit the the ground, leaped from his horse. Instantly, Eren had hefted Marco across the gap, depositing him in front of Jean and then following, despite Erwin's irate bellowing. 

Jean, for the moment, could focus on nothing beyond the feel of Marco pressing into him. 

"Mikasa!" Armin exclaimed, skidding to a halt beside his friend, on her knees on the blood-soaked ground. An arm hit the turf beside him and he flinched, but didn't run. 

The girl was groaning in pain, clutching at her sides. "I... guess they weren't completely healed..." she hissed, blood trickling from her lips. Then she was down, collapsing onto her side with a soft, breathy cry. 

"H-hang on!" Armin pleaded, unsure of exactly what to do. In that instant, a titan reared up over them, dripping maw open and bathing them with rancid breath. The soldier felt tears drip down his face, unable to move; able only to hold out his blade in a futile display of defiance. 

Then, suddenly, the titan was faltering. Shrieking, Armin dragged Mikasa to the side as it fell, Levi coming into view on its back. He wore a pained expression, motioning wildly. 

"Get her back to the formation, Mushroom Head! Damnit, everyone get back to the fucking formation!" 

The formation in question was looping back around; most of the titans had been dispatched, despite the dozen of so lives that it had cost. Eren and several other soldiers joined them on the ground, the Shifter rushing forward to his friends' sides. 

"Mikasa?!" 

"Her ribs..." Armin explained shortly; shakily. "I-I think she punctured something, too..." 

Eren nodded sullenly, reaching down to take his adopted sister's hand. "Mikasa..." 

The girl seemed to have lost consciousness; Armin picked her up as the formation approached once again, with a furious Erwin in the lead. Levi let himself drop down, gently massaging his leg; catching his breath while they waited. 

And then- the roar. 

A titan burst from the tree-line, an Aberrant by all accounts. It squashed the soldier standing not three feet from Armin and Mikasa as it charged straight for the oncoming formation, jaws wide and hands outstretched. Levi cursed; was on his feet, but too late. Eren raised his hand to his mouth, but his commander half-tackled him with a hiss of, "Don't you dare, brat! We can't risk that!" Armin's legs gave out; he held Mikasa tighter to him. 

And then the titan was upon the formation. 

... ... ... 

"Retreat, retreat!!" Erwin was bellowing, pulling his horse into a sharp rear; the animal shrieked in panic, as did many of the humans, and the formation dissolved. Jean felt Marco stiffen in front of him; felt the freckled boy lean slightly forward, even as he twisted their horse around and made to gallop in the opposite direction. 

But they were too slow. 

Screams of panic and fear become sobs and shrieks of agony as people were trampled and devoured; Jean felt a sob choke him as he abandoned the reigns in favor of clinging to Marco, the boy he had lost and only just found again. 

The boy he was about die with. 

The titan's hand swept out; knocked the horse out from beneath them. Jean felt their bodies torn away from one another as they hit the ground; screamed Marco's name. Upon getting his feet under him, he found the boy; saw Marco Bodt, standing on shaky feet and staring at the approaching titan. 

"Marco, run!!" he screamed, lurching forward; stopping, when he saw Marco's pained expression. 

"Jean, I don't want you to hate me," he whispered, a sad smile on his face, "but I don't want you to die, either. 

"Please, look away." 

Jean felt a sob choke him; he couldn't fathom what his friend was requesting, but he also couldn't resist that limpid, sorrowful gaze. So he looked away; screwed his eyes shut. 

But he heard the thunderbolt; felt the wave of heat buffet him. 

And then he couldn't help but look up. 

The freckles on that olive-toned back were painfully familiar, if the cut-outs in the skin and the muscle beneath them were not. Jean felt his breath catch as he watched the 15 meter titan shift into a fighting stance, one foot sliding back so far that the human could have reached out and touched it. 

Marco didn't roar like Eren might have; he was silent, wide eyes as gentle and soft as they were when he was human. But his hands caught the Aberant's; tightened around them, until both of the attacking titan's fists were crushed. The creature roared with rage and pain, lunging forward with its teeth snapping; Marco moved easily to block it, then brought his leg up in an impossibly high arch and smashed his heal down on the Aberant's head. 

The titan's neck tore as it hit the ground; it tried, for a moment, to rise, but the Shifter was having none of it. He simply stepped down on the already damaged neck, squashing the vital spot between huge toes. 

And then all was silent, other than the persistent hiss of the titan corpse beginning to dissolve. 

Slowly, painstakingly slowly, Marco turned; crouched down, reaching out toward Jean. The young solider was powerless to move; he didn't know if he wanted to. But then Marco spoke, his voice deep and rumbling but still, somehow, familiar. 

"Sorry... Jean. Don't... hate... me." 

And then the human stumbled forward, tears flowing down his face as he touched the titan's outstretched hand, running his own along the huge palm and the massive fingers; resting his forehead against the heated skin as he began to sob softly. 

"I... could never hate you... Marco."


	3. Shackled Wrists

When Jean woke, he was gazing at the stone ceiling of the Survey Corps Head Quarters. Groaning softly, he covered his eyes with one arm. 

"Fuck..." It had all been a dream, then; he had hit his head really hard during training or a mission or Jaeger had finally made good on his threat to step on him in titan form... and the whole thing had been one really messed up, concussion-induced dream. 

"You awake?" 

Armin's voice was a gentle, welcome thing. "Ugh... yeah..." Jean breathed, trying to make the throbbing pain behind his eyes go away. "Aaah...! God, what did I _do?_ " 

Armin made a sympathetic sound. "You fainted. You were in shock even before... well, before _it_ happened, so... I'm not surprised you're really feeling it." 

"Shock...?" Jean echoed blearily, cracking open one sore eye to look at Armin. The blonde, to his surprise, looked pale, and his smile was strained. "Armin...?" 

"You... don't remember what happened?" 

Jean laughed weakly. "I-I hit my head, right?" Armin shook his head. "O-Or pissed off that 15 meter asshole Jaeger, right?" Another head shake. Jean struggled up into a half-sitting position, despite his aching head and shaky limbs. "Th-then..." 

"Jean?" 

The young soldier turned mechanically, his eyes widening as he took in the boy in the bed beside his. Freckled, olive skin; gentle, limpid brown eyes; tousled black hair; warm, if hesitant, smile. 

"Marco...!" 

That smile widened slightly, his thin shoulders slumping with relief. "I was worried. You've been unconscious since before we got back to the Walls." 

Jean's eyes flicked down to his friend's lap; his hands were crossed in his lap, and... shackled. Once again, there were shackles around his wrists. Noticing his stare, Marco forced a laugh and shook his head. 

"Miss Hanji assured me that they're just a formality," he said, but the cheer in his voice was slightly strained. "They aren't uncomfortable." 

"You remember what happened, don't you, Jean?" Armin asked worriedly, and the soldier nodded shakily. "The shock overloaded your nervous system, so Hanji and I were worried about possible memory loss." 

"I... remember," Jean murmured. "Some things are a little fuzzy, but... I remember it." 

"Jean?" 

The young soldier glanced over at his friend; saw the worry shimmering in his liquid brown eyes. "Yeah?" 

"Do... you remember what you told me?" 

Jean smiled tiredly; that was the one thing he had no trouble accepting- would never have trouble accepting. "Marco, I could never hate you." 

The Shifter's eyes softened with unshed tears. "Jean..." 

The door opened, then, and Moblit entered with a tray of food and a glass of water. Instantly Marco's eyes were on him, chains jangling slightly with his sudden movement. 

"I heard you were awake, Jean," Hanji's assistant said. "Thought you might like some super." 

"Can I please have some more food?" Marco asked suddenly, leaning forward slightly. "Please?" Jean watched, curious and unsettled. 

Moblit looked at him with honest pity. "I-I'll have to see what Hanji says... I know your body is regenerating, but..." 

Marco looked down, shackles rattling as he kneaded his blankets. "I-I'm sorry... I-I know food is valuable, b-but..." 

Moblit nodded, obviously uncomfortable, and left Jean's tray on the table beside his bed. "I'll see what I can do, Marco," he said, bowing briefly to acknowledge Armin and then whisking from the room, door clicking softly behind him. Jean picked up his tray, hands steadier than they had been when he first woke, and held it out without visible hesitation. 

"You can have mine, Marco." 

The olive-skinned boy shook his head. "You need to eat, too," he said. "B-Besides, they already brought me something before you woke up." 

"Marco..." Armin spoke up gently, "they brought you half a portion of rations. And your body _is_ trying to regenerate." 

"Half a portion?" Jean demanded, and Armin nodded sadly. 

"We're trying to keep this as... quiet as we can, but Erwin isn't taking any chances. He won't say as much, but he doesn't want Marco fully recovered, at least not for a while. And knowing he's a Shifter means he can live for quite a while without food, or at least very little of it. Remember those tests we ran on Eren?" 

Jean _did_ remember the tests they had run on Eren, very well- they had been some of the more unpleasant tests Hanji had subjected the Shifter to, although they, like everything else, had been consensual. The scientist had gotten an inkling to study the effects of starvation in Shifters- it had been spawned by Armin's reflections, during one of their long, titan-themed conversations, about how Eren had seemed the least effected by the famine they had experienced as children. That had spawned a myriad of questions that, for the good of humanity, Hanji had decided she needed answers to. 

The result had been Eren fasting for two weeks- with no visible changes in his health other than horrible hunger pains, irritability and a handful of food-themed hallucinations. What had, however, taken a terrible hit were his regenerative abilities. Just for laughs, Levi had hacked off his arm (a simple cut would have done for testing) and much to everyone's alarm it hadn't grown back- at least not until he started eating again. He had also had impaired control of his titan form during the fast, and for a short time afterwards. 

Jean was horrified, needless to say, at the thought of Marco being kept in such a state. He held out his tray again and this time, with a sigh, Marco accepted it. 

"Thanks, Jean," he murmured, and the other shook his head. 

"Don't even mention it, man. You need it way more than me." 

The Shifter ate quickly and ravenously; Jean could see his desperation plainly, although he tried to hide it. The plate was clean within moments, and then passed back so that it could be placed beside Jean's bed. 

"Thanks." 

"I told you not to mention it, man." 

"So it _was_ Reiner and Bertholdt who were keeping you captive, right?" Armin asked, after a moment of silence; Marco nodded. 

"Yes, and Annie. They found out about my Shifter powers at the same time I did- after Trost." 

Jean's ears perked. "So... after Trost... you...?" 

Marco nodded again. "I was just starting to regain consciousness when you came across my body. I don't know if you guys know from Eren, but healing isn't automatic, at least not at first. It took nearly two days to kick in for me. I would have sought you guys out as soon as I could, if Reiner hadn't found me first." 

"I'm surprised he didn't kill you," Armin commented, much to Jean's horror. Marco, however, didn't flinch. 

"Bertholdt wanted to, when it became obvious that I wasn't going to side with them. They wanted me to, but of course I refused. Bertholdt said he was sorry, and I believe he was, but it would have been the logical choice; I can't actually fault him for it. But Reiner was... kinder, per say. He kept trying to convince me to change my mind. He's the one who took care of me, for the most part, and he told me about what was going on on the outside. Annie was less obvious about it, but I don't think she wanted to kill me, either." 

"You picked up on the fact that Reiner wasn't right in the head, didn't you?" the blonde asked, and Marco's eyes lit up. 

"Yeah... yes, I did! It was like he was... two different people!" 

"He split into two separate personalities," Armin explained, "to deal with the guilt. There was his soldier person and his warrior persona." 

"That makes sense..." the Shifter mused. "Yeah, that makes perfect sense." 

"But the important thing is that he didn't kill you," Jean put in; Marco laughed slightly. 

"Yes, I suppose that is the important thing." He looked thoughtfully down at his hand- skeletal, pale, and once again shacked. "Even Shifters' bodies have their limits, though... I was fading quickly by the time you guys found me." 

"It doesn't make any sense, though... that they'd leave you alive when they cleared out the base," Armin persisted, rekindling Jean's horror. 

Marco murmured an agreement. "You've got Reiner to thank for that, too. He came in and told me to be quiet; I heard him telling Bertholdt that he'd killed me. I think he came down with the intention of following through, but then lost the nerve." 

Jean whimpered slightly at the thought, but for a moment he felt honest gratitude toward his old classmate, now his mortal enemy. _His indecision... his instability... whatever goodness is left in him... let Marco live..._

The door opened once again, suddenly; all three boys looked up as Eren and Mikasa slipped inside, followed closely by Hanji. The young girl was shirtless, her whole chest and bust swathed with bandages, although she was still wearing her scarf. 

"Here, man; brought you a present," Eren said, depositing a sack on Marco's lap. When the olive-skinned boy unwrapped it, it turned out to be filled with dried meats and bread. The Shifter turned confused eyes up at his friend, but found himself faced with Hanji instead. 

"I like to keep my test subjects well taken care of," she informed him. "... When its not part of my experiments to do otherwise." 

"Erwin is being unreasonable," Mikasa put in darkly. "Even Levi agrees." 

"He just wants to be careful," Armin objected, in defense of his commander. "I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same in his position." Receiving a disbelieving stare from Jean, he stood his ground. "Erwin doesn't know a thing about Marco, certainly not like we do." 

"He could take our word for it," Eren put in sorely. "We know we have to be careful; we trusted Reiner and Bertholdt, and look where that got us. But Marco's already proven that he just wants to help us." 

"But I don't blame Erwin for not believing that," the Shifter in question spoke up, although his mouth was full of bread; he swallowed self-consciously before continuing. "He has every reason in the world to be wary." 

Jean turned, then, so that he was sitting on the very edge of his bed; reached out and gripped his friend's shoulder. "But you saved my life," he pointed out softly. "You saved the whole damn formation." 

Marco shifted uneasily; shrugged Jean's hand away. "But... more lives could have been saved if I had acted sooner. I was... too afraid to save them." 

"And fear is a crime, now?" Eren challenged. "Everyone feels it!" 

"You shouldn't have transformed at all," Hanji put in. "Forcing a Shift in your physical state could have killed you. Alternatively, you could have very easily lost control. It was more than fear for your own well being that held you back." 

Marco shook his head slightly. "I... I didn't ask for this..." he said quietly, his soft eyes swimming. "I would have been fine... dying for the cause... back at Trost..." 

"Never say that!!" Everyone was startled by the ferocity of Jean's objection as he bolted to his feet. "Damnit, Marco, never say shit like that!" 

The Shifter looked down, his hands clenching into fists. "Why... not...?" he asked softly. "Wouldn't things be... simpler, then? I'm no help to your search for Reiner and Bertholdt. I'm just a complication I'm sure no one needs." 

"Stop it!" Jean yelled, tears in his eyes. "Stop it, stop saying things like that! We need you! _I_ need you- me!!" 

"Jean's right," Mikasa said, sitting on the other side of Marco's bed and laying one hand gently on his leg. "You say you missed us; we missed you, too." 

"Even if sentimentality didn't enter into it," Armin added, "we need every bit of help we can get. It doesn't matter if you don't know anything about Reiner and Bertholdt; you're anything but useless." 

"And I have a new test subject!" Hanji piped up, for the sheer shake of adding her own reason to the pile. "Eren won't have to withstand my tortures by himself, now!" 

The tears were coming, by that time; Marco gazed around with liquid eyes and an overwhelmed expression. After a moment he looked away; smiled ruefully and bit his lip. 

"I... don't deserve... such friends..." 

... ... ... 

On Armin's advice, Jean feigned nausea and dizziness; that kept him in the same room as his rescued friend, at least for a while longer, for observation. 

Connie and Sasha made an appearance later on, also bearing gifts of an edible nature (much to Sasha's apparent despair) and hoping to catch up with their long-lost teammate. Krista dropped by with the same purpose shortly thereafter. Even Levi showed up, in the middle of the night; woke Jean with a kick, informed him briskly that there was breakfast on the bedside table, chastised him for playing sick, and then disappeared. 

It became quickly obvious that, no matter how unreasonable Erwin wanted to be, Marco would not be neglected. 

And that never once struck Jean as strange, nor did anything else; the after effects of shock may have been to blame. 

Jean didn't go back to sleep after Levi's visit; he couldn't. Instead he fell to listening to the breathing of the boy beside him- the living boy; the Titan Shifter; Marco Bodt. 

The boy he had realized, only after he had lost him, that he had been falling in love with. 

And so, in the wee hours of the morning, Jean crept from his bed; gazed down at Marco's shadowy form in the faint, gray lighting. Slowly and carefully, so as not to wake the freckled boy, he sat on the edge of the bed; slowly and carefully, before he realized what he was doing, he had lain down. 

And then, feeling his face heat as he fidgeted nervously, Jean pressed himself against Marco's over-warm body; snuggled closer to his olive-skinned friend and let out a pent up breath, relaxing at last with the feel of Marco's chest rising and falling; the sound of his heart beating. There was a soft jangling, and then the Shifter's arm was across his friend's shoulders, making the boy stiffen. 

"Jean...?" 

"... Marco. Do you... mind...?" 

There was a soft chuckling, and Marco drew his friend fractionally closer. "Not at all." 

And, after a moment, that was how they fell asleep, with Jean convinced that all was right with the world. 

Marco, though he was able to sleep a bit easier with Jean beside him, suffered silently with a heavier heart.


	4. The Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE, DID YOU? 
> 
> Nope, just hit a nasty bit of writer's block. ^^ My apologies for the long wait. orz

"I... could never hate you... Marco..."

And with that simple assurance, Jean swooned; he would have hit the ground, had massive but gentle fingers not curled around him, holding him up. As it was he slumped, eyes fluttering closed as he fainted dead away.

The titan's eyes closed, as well; slowly, painstakingly, he picked up the human and cradled him in both hands. The rest of the formation, on Erwin's order, had formed a ragged ring around the Shifter, every blade in the company drawn.

"Macro!"

"Marco?!"

Sasha and Connie appeared suddenly, pushing through the crowd. The titan turned limpid brown eyes on them; smiled, just slightly.

"Take... care... of Jean..." he rumbled, and then slowly extended one hand, the human cupped gingerly in the huge, olive-toned palm. Connie gasped slightly and jumped back, but Sasha didn't hesitate to rush forward. A moment later the boy rejoined her, and together they lifted Jean from the titan's hand.

"Blause! Springer! Get back, now!!" Erwin bellowed, although he had obviously held his tongue until they had recovered their unconscious teammate. "Get back in formation!"

Reluctantly, the two of the 104th melted back into the ring of soldiers. Hanji was trying to shove her way past Moblit, but had yet to succeed; Levi and the others who had fought off the attacking titans were racing back toward the formation.

And the titan had sat down, legs folded beneath him and to the side; after a moment, he let himself drop sideways, falling onto his side, the ground trembling underfoot as he did so. He blinked; looked upward with limpid brown eyes as Erwin approached from above him (relatively speaking).

"I... will not... move," he rumbled softly. "I am... no threat."

"Don't expect me to take your word for that," the commander of the Survey Corps said, his voice low. "We've had nothing but trouble from your kind."

Marco's hand flexed in the grass. "I... do not... expect that... Sir."

"Attempted flattery will only get you killed faster," Erwin Smith growled; the titan's eyebrows rose fractionally.

"Not... flattery, Sir. You are... my commanding officer. Respect... not flattery."

Erwin took an uncertain step backwards. "If you respect me, you'll get out of that accursed form. Then we'll talk- man to man."

The titan's expression softened slightly with sadness. "Would... like to, Sir..." he rumbled, "but... I am... afraid."

"Afraid?" Erwin asked. "I give you my word, you won't be killed, at least not until you've had a chance to speak."

Marco's eyes narrowed slightly. "No... I don't fear... comrades," he said softly. "I... am weak. I... should not have... transformed. My body... will not... respond."

Hanji had finally managed to wriggle free of Moblit, by that time; she skidded up beside Erwin, practically bubbling with excitement.

"R-Remember when w-we had Eren transform three times in a row?! A-and the third time his face got all messed up because he fuzed with the titan too completely?!"

"I remember," Erwin murmured. "You think this could be similar?"

"No..." the titan rumbled softly. "My body... is fuzed, yes, but... also... unconscious."

"Unconscious?" Erwin echoed. "How is that possible?"

"Told... you," Marco breathed. "My body... is weak. I cannot... move it."

"Then let us cut you out," Erwin offered, and Marco's whole body stiffened; everyone took a step back.

"I will... not be able... to regenerate... Sir," the titan said, panic lacing his tone. "No... no, please... do not..."

"What the hell is going on here?!" Levi, at last bursting onto the scene. "What the hell is that thing?!"

"Marco Bodt, apparently," Erwin said dryly, and Eren, who had been on the heels of his commander, skidded to a halt.

"Marco?!"

The titan smiled slightly. "Eren... I am... sorry."

"He stopped the Aberrant, and then just laid down. He says he's afraid to come out of titan form because his human body is unconscious," Erwin informed the new arrivals. "He also doesn't want to be cut out, because he says he won't be able to regenerate."

"Which makes sense, considering he's been starved," Hanji put in, and the titan moaned suddenly.

"Please... do not... remind me..."

Levi's eyebrows arched. "Don't remind you of what? Don't remind you that you're hungry?"

The titan moaned again, the muscles of his back flexing. "Please..." he murmured. Everyone close to him could see the drool coating his teeth; the way the the muscles of his jaw were working slightly.

"This kind of control is remarkable...!" Hanji exclaimed, trotting up for a closer look. Marco whimpered as she disregarded Erwin's order and Moblit's panicked yelping; continued to approach.

"Please... Miss... Hanji..." he growled, his breath labored as Hanji reached up and touched his upper lip. "Please... stay... back..." Levi moved to intercept the scientist, but Erwin's outstretched arm stopped him.

"Let's see what happens."

"Erwin?!" Levi hissed furiously. "You're not just going to let that bitch get herself killed, are you?!"

"No..." Erwin answered slowly, "I'm going to see what happens."

Hanji was leaning, now, into the titan's mouth. "He's exhibiting a salvation response I've never seen in Common Titans!" she reported, her voice muffled.

"Because he thinks you're _food_ , you shitty woman!" Levi, half-frantic and glaring at Erwin, shouted.

The titan's jaw flexed visibly as it opened slightly wider, allowing Hanji to crawl bodily into his mouth and take a look around; Marco's eyes were screwed shut. "This is remarkable!" the scientist called, her voice echoing slightly. Then she drew back, giving herself a shake and scattering titan saliva. "Moblit! Moblit, come here and collect a sample of this!"

Erwin let his arm drop as Marco's mouth closed once again, his eyes still shut. "Remarkable..." he murmured, although in an entirely different tone than Hanji might have. He began to stride forward, then, a worried and cross Levi keeping pace with him. He stopped a few feet from the titan; set his hand on his hip. "Your self-control is remarkable."

Marco's eyes closed slightly tighter. "I... am a... soldier..." he breathed, through grit teeth. "Discipline... is... essential..."

Erwin looked at the Shifter for another moment, his expression thoughtful. Then he turned to Levi. "How precisely do you think you could cut him out?" he asked. "Do you think you could do it without nicking his human body?"

"Probably," Levi admitted, although he still looked more disgruntled and agitated than anything else. "The brat is usually moving around, so I always end up getting a limb or two when I cut him out. But if Bodt here kept still for me, I could probably manage it."

Marco was making distressed noises in the back of his throat, but he didn't object outwardly as Levi came around the back of his neck. Eren trotted around to join him, and the Corporal didn't shoo him away. Levi then placed a hand on the nape of the titan's neck, pressing hard and probing with his fingers before positioning his blade.

"Don't move now, Bodt," he growled. "I might end up amputating an arm if you do."

Marco whimpered audibly, his muscles stiffening and his huge fingers knotting in the grass. Levi tapped impatiently at his nape.

"Relax your neck, or this'll hurt more than it needs to."

Marco whined quietly, but did as he was told. Then, face impassive, Levi slid his blade into the titan's flesh, releasing a soft hiss of steam. Marco moaned lightly, his fingers flexing nervously but his body, amazingly, unmoving. Levi began to cut away at the muscle quickly and precisely, brow furrowing with concentration as he carved first the outline of a human's shoulders, then drove his blade in deeper and revealed said set of shoulders with brisk sawing motions. As he sheared away more and more of the titan's musculature, Eren leaned forward; Hanji had also joined the young Shifter as audience to the unusual surgery, watching quietly with laudable restraint.

Levi cut laterally along the titan's neck, opening a gash where a human's jugular should be. "Hold that wound open, brat," he ordered suddenly, motioning to Eren. "Don't let it heal."

Obviously surprised and strangely reluctant, Eren nodded and climbed up so that he was seated on the titan's neck. He could see, through the wound that Levi had opened, the side of Marco's face, bits of muscle clinging to it. The boy appeared to be sleeping, his eyes closed.

More bits of quickly dissolving titan flesh were gathering around Levi's feet; he shuffled farther down, working Marco's lower body. The titan's body was slowly beginning to go limp, and Erwin saw when its eyes slipped closed.

Then the Shifter's legs were free, although still covered in stringy ligaments and small muscles. Levi left them to dangle as he returned to Marco's upper body, slicing his chest out and then working at his arms.

"Hold him," he grunted to Hanji, when Marco's body was largely free. "I don't want the skin on his neck and face torn off by the weight of his body."

The scientist nodded, moving forward to heed Levi's command. The connections on Marco's face and neck were the only ones remaining; the titan body was beginning to steam as it dissolved. So Levi hopped up onto what was left of his neck, brushing Eren away and making short work of the fragile muscles that remained.

"There," the Corporal said, brushing himself off and wiping his blade briskly. "Is that what you wanted, Erwin?"

"Thank you, Levi," Erwin said, with a smile. Then he came over to where Hanji- practically bubbling with excitement -was holding the unconscious Shifter. "So he really was unconscious inside that thing..."

"What are we going to do with him?" Levi asked, and suddenly Eren straightened.

"What do you mean, Corporal?" he asked. "We have to detain him!"

Erwin's eyebrows arched, and Levi spun in surprise. "What?"

Eren cleared his throat slightly, seeming nervous but determined. "We... we have to detain him, Sirs. Shifters... they can't... we can't trust him!"

"Most people think we can't trust _you_ ," Erwin pointed out gently. "Are you really advocating to have your old classmate treated as a prisoner?"

Eren flushed, seeming embarrassed, but nodded. "Yes, Sir! I am!"

Levi took a step forward. "I think you're letting your fear get the better of you, Eren." His voice was abrasive, but not unkind. "I don't think it's wise to let the kid have free reign of Head Quarters, but I don't think he's an immediate threat that we need to keep chained in the basement."

"Like you thought I was?!" Eren demanded; suddenly Armin had materialized by his side, one hand on his shoulder.

"Please calm down, Eren!" he begged softly. "You're speaking out of emotion rather than logic. Think it through."

"Damnit, Armin, I don't need to _think_ it through, I _lived_ through it!" Eren snapped, wrenching his shoulder free. "And _all of us_ lived through Reiner and Bertholdt's betrayal!"

Armin flinched slightly at the mention of the two Shifters. "And they were keeping Marco prisoner," he pointed out gently. "If he was on their side- or even sympathetic to their cause -why was he chained and left for dead when Bertholdt and Reiner abandoned this base? Also, he just saved the whole formation- or at least a good proportion of it -from that Aberrant. If he wanted to harm us, that would have been the perfect chance."

Eren's expression hardened. "None of that matters. He's a Titan Shifter, and that means he can't be trusted!"

"Eren, be reasonable...!" Armin pleaded. "Are you even hearing yourself?"

"No, Armin... Eren's... right."

Everyone looked over sharply; Hanji was on the ground, with Marco struggling into a sitting position beside her. His eyes were liquid pain, and his breath was coming in shallow little gasps, but his voice was steady.

"Eren's right- I should not be trusted. Locking me up is the correct course of action- the _only_ course of action. Please, Commander; Miss Hanji; Corporal Levi. I thank you... for everything... but I have done nothing to earn your trust, not yet. Until there can be absolutely no doubt about my loyalties, please treat me as an unknown.

I will prove it one day, but until then you must keep me as a prisoner." 

Eren’s face went blank; Erwin looked, for a moment, unsettled, but then nodded. 

“Very well. If you agree so readily to it, Botd, then I’ll arrange it.” 

Marco’s expression eased slightly, and he nodded. “Thank you. I just have… one request.” 

Erwin’s eyebrows arched. “Yes?” 

“Please… don’t tell Jean about any of this.” He glanced over at where Sasha and Connie were watching, with Jean laid out on the turf between them. “There’s no helping what he remembers when he wakes up, but… please, don’t tell him anything else.” 

Erwin considered the request for a moment, then nodded. “Very well. That is a small request that I will be happy to grant... for a soldier willingly submitting himself to detention under my care.”


End file.
